Emotional Coercion: recognising resisting it - Kidpower Shorts – Episode 9

Emotional Coercion: recognising resisting it

This video by Kid Power Shorts episode 9 (below) emphasises the importance of recognising emotional coercion and resisting it.

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What is Emotional Coercion?

Emotional coercion is when someone tries to manipulate your behaviour by using feelings, either thoughtlessly or deliberately. This can cause you to lower your boundaries and do what they want, even if it is not in your best interests or goes against your values.

Some examples of positive and negative triggers are provided that may be used to emotionally coerce you, such as fear, guilt, pride, admiration, and compassion.

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Several steps can be taken to manage your triggers caused by emotional coercion. These include recognising that you are being triggered, identifying the other person's behaviour that is causing emotional pressure, writing down what being manipulated looks and feels like to you, and practising delaying decisions until your feelings are under control. It also advises practising positive responses to negative reactions to your boundaries, such as setting a boundary bridge.

To be fair, people who use emotional coercion may have difficulty communicating their needs or recognising the feelings and needs of others. They may be experiencing real feelings of distress, confusion, or hurt in response to your actions and boundaries, and may not know how to manage their own feelings. Recognising these dynamics can help you stay calm and compassionate, rather than getting angry or saying hurtful things you might regret.

Conclusion

Emphasising that emotional coercion can cause significant safety challenges and encourages viewers to reach out for help from someone they trust if they find themselves in such situations.

There is more detail in the video below and it is well worth watching.

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Digital Citizenship: Kidpower Shorts - Episode 2

Kidpower Shorts - Episode 2: Digital Citizenship

Here is another episode of Kidpower Shorts - Episode 2 and it is on Digital Citizenship Avery takes us through some very useful strategies on how to be a good digital citizen and how to manage those who are not.

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Hi I'm Avery,

Welcome to kid power shorts.

Today we're going to be talking about an increasingly important subject digital citizenship.

Now all of us are citizens of many things. We're citizens of communities citizens of countries and citizens of the world and by using the internet we're also digital citizens. Being a good digital citizen means interacting with other people online in ways that are respectful safe and legal.

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Now good digital citizenship may sound like a no-brainer but it can be surprisingly easy to break the safety rules online. Let's look at this from a couple of different perspectives some ways people can be unkind online includes posting and sharing mean private or embarrassing words information or photographs. A lot of times these things are intended as jokes but that doesn't mean that they're not hurtful.

It's hard to gauge someone's intent online and sometimes it's hard to tell what someone means with their words when you can't hear their tone of voice.

Imagine that you were online and someone that you knew and trusted shared some information about you that you thought had been kept private. Imagine that one of your friends sent some hurtful words over text. If I were receiving these messages I would probably feel scared sad and alone. One of the best things to do when someone you know and trust has done something hurtful to you online is to get help. You can get help from someone else you know or you can talk to them directly and respectfully. Address what hurt your feelings and how to make it better.

A really important thing to remember about digital citizenship is that a lot of times when people break the safety rules they do it by accident. Most people in the world are good and they're not actually trying to hurt anyone's feelings people, often accidentally break the safety rules because they're trying to make jokes and they don't understand that they won't be heard as jokes.

If you're communicating with someone online and you think that what you're about to send could be interpreted in a hurtful way, one thing to do is to rephrase your message.

But another way people break the safety rules is by saying things and sending things when they're very angry. Now although these things may feel honest and true at the moment they're often not things that you would say to someone's face or that you would say if you were feeling calmer. Remember your feelings belong to yourself someone may have done something that hurt your feelings or made you angry or made you feel afraid. It's okay to be upset but retaliating, especially online is not helpful. When you are emotionally triggered it can be very tempting to write long angry messages to whoever has upset you. This almost always makes your problem worse not better.

You can use your awareness to notice when people are being disrespectful online either to yourself or to other people. You can practice noticing when you get upset and stopping yourself from jumping forward and making triggered actions that could be destructive. Instead take a step back and think carefully about how to address the problem. If you really feel you need to get the words out you can write them down in a notes app or a piece of paper and don't send them wait until your calmer and then revisit those words. If there's still something that is appropriate to send over text you can send them. If there's something that you realize doesn't reflect who you are or who you want to be you can delete them without ever having anyone else know they exist. If there's something that still needs to be said but that is very large complicated or full of very strong feelings this is something that's better to be addressed in person.

You can come up with your own strategies for how to manage your feelings and prevent yourself from sending angry messages.

Sometimes you might witness someone else not being a good digital citizen. This gives you the opportunity to be a safety advocate. You can be a safety advocate in a couple of ways.

If the person engaging in online bullying behavior is someone you know well, you can approach them and have a respectful conversation about why you think their behavior is not okay. If you don't feel like you're in a position where you can talk to the person about their behavior another good strategy is to redirect and change the subject.

People who have been bullied online often feel upset and alone. Approaching these people can be very helpful to them. You can send them a message or talk to them in person and say that you don't support bullying and ask what you can do to help. Remember everyone needs support in different ways and manages their feelings and their challenges in different ways. Make sure to follow the other person's guidance when supporting them instead of assuming what they need.

Sometimes people are bullied online by a massive number of people all around the world you may not be able to reach out to the person. Being bullied in this case they might be someone who lives very far away who you've never talked to or even a public figure. This doesn't mean that you're powerless. Although you can't stop it from happening everywhere you can still choose not to engage in the bullying behavior yourself and you can talk to your friends family and other people you know about why you don't think they should engage in the bullying behavior either.

Just like in the real world you can be a good digital citizen and fully engaged with all of the great things the internet has to offer.

Thank you for watching kid power shorts remember you can find more information about kid power and all of the things that we teach on the website at kidpower.org.

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Child Bullying, Confidence, self-Defence & Judo

Child Bullying, Confidence, self-Defence and Judo

Having been bullied as a child (in fact it was one of the reasons I took up Judo) I have done a lot of research over the years on this subject. These days we know a lot about what contributes to a person becoming a bully. Unfortunately, there is still a great deal of work needed to solve the problem but here is some of my experience.

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I have a self-defence program (defense is the US spelling) as a regular part of my classes that is based on a program called the Protective Behaviors Program that I learned from the Victorian Police (Australia).

There is a lot of good work going on in schools with Anti child bullying. Nevertheless, from time to time, I still get some parents coming to me about their children having difficulty in school. This is why my mind has been set working once again.

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School Anti-Bullying Programs

Some schools have introduced good Anti-Bullying programs such as but not limited to:

• Mentoring programs
where older children are expected to spend time with younger children


• Confrontation programs
where the child who has been creating problems for other children, is required, with both sets of parents and a moderator present, to confront the child or children they have been creating problems for and helped to understand the effect they are having on themselves and others


• Child to Child Mediation
(my personal favourite) where the children are taught how to mediate disputes between children and under supervision mediation sessions are set up

If your school has introduced such a child bullying program or is thinking of doing so, I encourage you to get behind it as much as you are able. These programs have had some very good results but in order to maintain their effectiveness they need to be monitored and concerned adults who have studied the program well are still the best ones to monitor them.

Sometimes, the only thing that can be done is for the bully to have professional counselling and sometimes you may have to force that issue.

If your school does not have an Anti child bullying program in place, I encourage you to lobby them to do so.

The programs that schools introduce have many different names. Sometimes they are called the above, sometimes "Harm Minimisation".

Ask questions

Just because it has the right name does not mean it is any good. There are some next to useless programs out there and some that are even harmful in my opinion.

Ask questions. Read up on the available material (both from the school and other sources). Be satisfied that the program is working. If there are problems lobby and work with the school to fix them.

Many times programs are adopted because they come from the right source and are assumed to be good. This is not always true and schools are often grateful to have it pointed out to them and have help correcting it. If they are not.....

DON'T just tolerate it.

Fight to have it changed or in the worst-case change schools!!!!!!

Confidence

Yet all this good work, there is still an ongoing problem. Things like telling the teacher 'do' have some effect but often have as many bad results.

Over time the only thing that has remained constant is that confidence is the biggest factor that affects bullying.

I have literally asked hundreds of Martial artists over the years and all but one have said to me that within a very short time of them starting Martial Arts (just about any Martial Art as much as I would like to say that Judo is the only way, it's not), the bullying stopped without then lifting a finger. Confidence was the only factor they could put it down to.

The one exception said the only way it stopped for him was to beat the living daylights out of those who were picking on him. It seems that despite all our best efforts to avoid it, sometimes force has to be applied to restrain violence.

Competition

The one thing in my life that was different to some children is that the ones that are still having the problem don't compete.

I cannot recommend competition enough. Any competition from any sport. I encourage any parents that are concerned about bullying in their child's life to try to encourage their child into competitions. If your child already competes in a team sport and is still having confidence problems, then individual competition is worth a try. Judo of course has regular competitions. There is a huge confidence factor introduced into one's life when one has to confront an opponent who is out to score against you.

Bullying is a complex problem

Bullying is a complex problem and I don't confess to having all the answers. In all my best efforts I have failed in at least two cases that I know of. It is only two students but it's two too many.

My first failure

My first failure was many years before I developed my current self-defence program. In those days, because of my own experience, I had not conceived that one could apply Judo more specifically as I have now.

In this case, the child persisted for many years with Judo and even entered competitions. He never won one, which was normally fine as winning is not critical to confidence.

All my other students who came to me needing help with bullying had, over time, been helped. Most without ever entering a competition. Their own confidence became so developed that, as with all the above mentioned Martial artists, the bullying just disappeared. In the worst cases, I convince them to enter competitions and they found that winning was not necessary to the development of their confidence sufficient to make the bullying go away.

But this student eventually gave up Judo as it didn't help him. Follow up was met with silence. One day I hope to catch up with him to find out how life went with him.

My second failure

In the second case, it was the child's Mum that relayed the information to me. He had only one class and would not come to class anymore.

My first reaction to this was, as I said to the mother, "you need to give it time to learn enough to apply to his situation". But the child didn't care. All he knew was that he was desperate. He needed something to happen immediately. He wanted something that he could apply after one lesson and quite when he was bullied the day after he started because, in his words, "I hadn't learned anything from Judo that helped me".

I felt the child's pain and it was this instance that prompted me to create the self-defence program I have today. It has tactics that can be used the very next day after just one class.

I can't pretend to have all the answers. Nor can I say that my self-defence program is 100% effective. What I can say is that I know it has helped.

Conclusion: Things that we know help

The complexity of child bullying is beyond doubt but there are things that we know help:

• Confidence (the single biggest factor)
• Competition
• Anti Child Bullying Programs

But whilst parental involvement is not the biggest factor, it is imperative. If a child knows that someone cares and is willing to put that care into wise action (actions that protect and do not make the situation worse), it is a huge factor in children overcoming and building confidence.

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Self Defense Against Rough Play and Tickling

Self Defense Against Rough Play and Tickling

"Oh, he just loves it when he arrives! With all that rough and tumble rough play and tickling s/he simply had no self-defence against it."

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"Isn't it funny the first thing she does as soon as he arrives is hide. It's so cute."

"She just laughs and laughs till she is in tears when she comes around, she just loves her tickles."

It's always fun when that favourite uncle or auntie or friend comes around you just know the kids are going to love it. There is plenty of rough play and all that tickling.

Stop!!

One of the things that I often see from well-meaning but misguided adults is the attempt to gain a child's favour by tickling or worse still by rough play.

Have you ever considered that the child may not really like it? Maybe they are putting up with it. Maybe that game of "Hide and Seek" they play is not a game at all to them but self-protection. Maybe they desperately hope that they are not found.

It may be just a game to them and I certainly don't want to stop the fun, but have you ever taken the time to find out from the child if they would like to set dome boundaries? Does their stop mean just that STOP? Is every adult that comes into your home taught to respect a child's STOP?

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What would happen if you show you cared enough for a child to talk to them and get them to set the rule. I think you might be amazed. Children are at your mercy. Do you really think that they won't love you if you show them respect enough to help them feel safe?

I'm willing to bet that if you just take a little time to help children set boundaries for you to play in you are going to be more favoured than any other adults hands down. And does it really matter to you that much if all the child wants to do is talk? Is rough play or tickling so important to you?

Imagine walking into a room with your favourite child and the first thing they do is come up to you and take you by the hand and lead you over to their play area to talk or even be invited to play. How honoured would you be? How precious would be that moment?

It's More Than Just The Child's Response To You

It's More Than Just The Child's Response To You. It's also about what you teach the child.

I've seen adults walk into a room, immediately pick up a child under 2 rough him up (without hurting him after all this is fun and you don't want to hurt anybody) then put the child down. Then as soon as the child approaches start it all up again. The child loves it. But a few minutes later when the adults want to stop the child tries to continue and gets into trouble for it.

As a Judo instructor maybe I'm a little more sensitive than others but consider this: it's more than just playing with adults, when the child plays with other children and tries to play rough they get into trouble for that too.

Why is the child getting into trouble for what the adult has taught them to do? The child is totally confused! He is only doing what he has been taught.

Let's look at what has been taught here: The adult walks in and greets the child with not a hug but a tickle or rough play. They now think that this is the correct way to greet people. The major interaction that the child gets is tickling or rough play. "Oh OK that is we are supposed to interact with others," thinks the child.

If you don't want a child to react to others in this way don't teach it to them.

So the next time you walk into a room with a child why not just give them a hug hello. Better still why not just give them a High five. Why not let the child decide whether they give you a hug or not after all we would for an adult.

There is nothing wrong with some appropriate play but why not temper it with some gentle play. More importantly why not just spend some time with the child.

The only self-defence that a child can have against this sort of learning is for the adult to intervene and explain to the offending adult the way things are done.

Try talking to your children and lead by example.

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Bullying & Harm & Being Worthy of Trust To Keep Kids Safe

Bullying and Harm Prevention Against Children

Taking steps to prevent bullying and abuse against children is essential. There can be no compromise to ensure a healthy environment for them to grow.

Adult caregivers should not downplay, ignore, rationalize or make excuses for poor behaviour. The caregiver should be strongly aware of the environment, be aware of the bad behaviour and what defines it, and have the ability to set healthy boundaries.

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They should also have a high level of personal integrity, and be able to communicate these standards.

Key Takeaways:

• Some adults are more concerned with maintaining an institution or group's prestige and don't want to admit that problems exist.
• People who speak up about safety concerns should not have to fear losing their jobs, credibility, or anything else.
• Kids and adults need to fully understand what is safe behavior, and what is not.

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"If you see a problem, stay calm, make sure you understand the whole story, listen to different perspectives, and think about the purpose of the safety rules."

Read more: https://www.kidpower.org/library/article/worthy-of-trust/

Enjoy
    Sensai
        Richard

Dealing With Bullies: Your Reaction Has Consequences

The Down Side Of Dealing With Bullies

I teach all my students that there are only 2 places that where they can use their Judo:

1. When they are in the Dojo
2. When they are very very very scared

As an added precaution I also tell them, that if they are not certain if they are scared enough, that means they have time to think and if they have time to think before they act, they should ask themselves one simple question: "Is it worth it"?

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It is an unfortunate fact of life that it doesn't matter how justified you are in reacting bullying situation, it is more than probable that you are the one that is going to get into trouble, not the offender; even if your reaction was not physical.

As distasteful as I find the above situation, I also am convinced that a physical reaction should be a last resort and that whilst it may be necessary, often it will not bring about a long term solution.

This begs the question: "If violence is that last resort what then is our first?".

It may surprise some but the answer is "be confident".

There are many things that you can do or say that may defuse a situation and I teach my students lots of them but without confidence few, if any response is effective if it is not backed with confidence.

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As A lifeguard I have defused many a situation without a single word or action but simply by being confident. This is what I think Danial Sun meant when Mr Miyagi asked him in "Why you learn Karate" and Danial sun said, "So that I never have to use it" (from the movie "Karate Kid 2" I think). If you have trained well, a lot of times, people will notice, and back down so you don't have to use what you have learned.

But in this situation, that means you should not only learn Judo but also how to speak and how to walk; which is also something I teach my students.

I was reminded of this when I read an article from Kid power

The article presents the reader with a holistic approach to self-defence and if you are concerned about dealing with bullying, it is well worth a read.

By the way, I also tell my Judo students that in any bullying situation I will be on their side, for what it is worth in our society, provided they can tell me that they were very very very scared, even if I am the only person on their side.

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Child Bullying: 5 Ways That You Can Help Them Cope

Child Bullying Is Not The End

When your children or you for that matter, are confronted with bullying it is not unusual to feel helpless. But you can take action and you can be successful in it.

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As everyone knows that it is the media's job to report. Unfortunately, they only report what we want to hear and that is usually bad news. The good news stories only come every now and then because they have a much greater impact when they are presented in a background of bad news stories.

Hence we hear so many stories of bad outcomes from child bullying that we can develop a sense of despair and a feeling of being out of control.

Of course, that is what the bullies feed off and so the cycle continues.

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But the situation is not hopeless and there are things that you can do to help. More than that, there are many, many stories of successful outcomes that we don't hear about.

5 ways that you can help your child

This article gives 5 ways that you can help your child and I highly recommend you read them.

Hope is the enemy of bullying and faith in what you have hope for, will bring courage so that you can overcome it.

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Bullying Children With Disabilities: Cerebral Palsy

Cerebral Palsy and Bullying Children With Disabilities

According to some reports in 2015, up to 22 per cent of students have been bullied, and few of them reported it. But the statistics for Bullying Children With Disabilities are even more alarming.

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Statistics from the National Bullying Prevention Center also show that children with disabilities, like cerebral palsy, are even more likely to be bullied. As much as 60 per cent of these children have reported being bullied.

Cerebral Palsy and Being Different

Cerebral palsy is one of the most common conditions that result from birth injuries. It is a neurological condition that impacts a child’s muscle development, tone, and movement. Depending on the severity it may prevent a child from walking at all or may cause other symptoms like learning disabilities, vision and hearing problems, and speech difficulties.

Most children with cerebral palsy look different and move differently, which makes them stand out. They may use assistive devices like wheelchairs; they may speak with difficulty; they make spastic movements; some also have difficulty eating and breathing and may drool. Bullies target kids that are different, which makes kids with cerebral palsy more vulnerable.

The Effects of Bullying

There are many negative impacts of bullying, both on the bully and the victim. A child with cerebral palsy is already coping with daily challenges, but to be bullied is an extra burden that can have a devastating and lasting impact:

• Lower grades and more missed school days.
• Inability to concentrate.
• Less interest in school and academic achievement.
• Less interest in participating in school and other activities.
• Mental health symptoms, like depression and anxiety.

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One study that specifically looked at children with cerebral palsy who were bullied found that these children felt socially excluded. It isn’t just bullying that impacts them; they are also left out of activities and suffer from a lack of inclusion.

Overcoming Bullying with Cerebral Palsy

Children with disabilities have legal rights. Bullying of these children under the law is considered discriminatory harassment. Parents and other adults can work with a child’s school to stop harassing and bullying, but if that does not help, legal action may be taken to bring an end to the harassment.

Additionally, there are things that children and their parents can do to overcome the negative impacts of bullying. Developing self-confidence is a major factor in helping bullied children. Parents and families must teach their children to speak up, to stand up for themselves, and to develop confidence through learning new skills and by participating in activities with other children. Being included and being active goes a long way to helping a child with cerebral palsy feel more confident and better able to stand up to bullies.

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Law firms In The USA That Deal With Birth Injuries

Family Engagement: Advocating For Your Kids

Family Engagement No One Looks Forward To

One of the most difficult types of family engagement is to speak to members of the family about things they do that they think is fun but is, in fact, making your child or even you for that matter, uncomfortable.

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I know, I've had my children come to me about things that I know that they would rather not have to raise. Fortunately in all the cases so far, there has simply been a misunderstanding that was easily sorted. But I am proud of the fact that I have raised men who will not shirk away when something has to be done. Even to their Dad, who others will tell you can be pretty intimidating.

However, there are many other parents out there that do not have the advantage of knowing how to deal with people. I am a big advocate for learning how to talk with people. As a lifeguard, I have no fear when I have to approach someone who is doing the wrong thing. By far and away I have managed to dissuade people without alienating them.

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Don't get me wrong

Don't get me wrong, I have no conscience problem about anybody I have caused to go into a rage about me requiring them to do something. It is after all for their and everybody else's, own safety. But every time I have a failure like that, I am always looking to see if there are other ways that I could approach similar situations next time, in the hope that the outcome will be more congenial. I must say that I think I am getting better at it.

It was with this in mind that I appreciated this family engagement article about Advocating With Family Members for Your Kids. If you are like me, always on the lookout for this sort of thing or you are a person who has difficulty with these sort of confrontations have a read. It may help.

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Bystander Effect: Be An Effective Bystander

What is the Bystander Effect?

When you notice an event that is unsafe and reacts in ways that are useless or harmful.

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This is not unique to age, culture, or income. Sometimes you just freeze and do nothing or make things worse because:

• You don’t understand what you see
• Your curiosity is more in control than your sense of what is happening
• You are afraid
• You are in disbelief
• You don’t know what to do
• You think someone else is taking care of the problem

Your behaviour can even become harmful because, for example, you get in the way of emergency responders.

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Once I would have spoken in outrage against bystanders but one day I was caught myself. I saw a woman being pulled by the hair and immediately set about to help her. I was distracted momentarily by a friend who was afraid that I would get hurt if I did. I found myself momentarily confused and not quite sure what to do. I regained myself but the event left me with the realization as to just how easy it is to become a useless bystander.

I doubt that it would happen again. For warned is for armed but it was still disconcerting. Imagine just how much harder it would be for those who have no training.

How to overcome the bystander effect

The following article covers a who range of strategies that, if practised will go a long way to overcoming the bystander effect. You have to realize it is written for a US audience but by changing the number from 911 to 000 the article becomes just as relevant to Australia as anywhere else in the world.

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Bullying Facts: Some Interesting Facts About Bullying

Bullying Facts: It is not accidental

A bully is someone who deliberately intends to physically or emotionally injure someone.

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Bullies typically target the same person repeatedly

Their objective is to do as much damage as possible and hence gain more power.

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Some Statistics

I got these from www.HyperBullyDefense.com I have no idea where they got them from but they seem to fit the profile so I have no reason to question them.

Locations of Bully Incidents

1. In School 80%
2. Outside School 28%
3. On the bus 8%

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Cyber Bullying: Staying Connected With Your Kids

Cyber Bullying Safety in the Electronic world

Cyberbullying is a huge problem in our society. Although my Judo website Martial Arts Judo does have a Facebook account, the Newport Judo Club does not. This is because, most, of the parents of my Judo students, will not allow their children to be on social media because of the risk.

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On the other hand, all my children are grown up and they all are on social media. In fact, because half of them live interstate, social media is often the best way to keep in touch. Even then I have had 2 occasions where I have had to warn them of potential risk posts that they had received and re-posted, not realizing that they were something other than what they appeared.

If I had teenagers I would be insisting that I was in their friend's list

Some of you are going to applaud me, some of you are going to condemn me. Then there are those that haven't made up their minds and they have questions.

The question of cyberbullying

Questions Like:

1. Won't my teens object because of the embarrassment?
2. What about my young persons right to privacy?
3. What about supporting my teen in their becoming independent?

These are all valid questions and as I have said, I no longer have teenagers, so I am not going to try to answer these questions myself. To do so would be to open myself to the accusation of: "what would you know?".

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Instead, I will refer you to this article Stay Connected With Your Teen’s Electronic Worlds.

Although I don't have teenagers anymore in my household, It does not mean that I am no longer affected by the issue. As a Judo coach, I teach a lot of teenagers and they have to be emotionally secure enough to be able to cope with potential cyberbullying. Parents are not the only influence on teenagers so we have to be informed and I can't see how any coach can remain neutral.

So whether you are a parent or a coach you should read the above article and the supporting ones. Even if you have already made up your mind, there are hints that may change it and help support you in your decision. This is an issue that is not going away. No parent or coach can afford to ignore it.

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Stop Bullying: Five Powerful, Simple & Effective Actions

Stop Bullying In Its Tracks

Children and teenagers can help but Safety is ultimately an ADULT responsibility. In the article, "Five Actions Adults Can Take NOW to Stop Bullying", as well as being directed to two other articles, we as adults learn:

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• Insist on powerful, respectful adult leadership.
  
  Kids need YOU to take personal responsibility for managing their emotional and physical safety.



• Make SURE kids know that you CARE.
  
  Don't just assume they know. No matter how busy you are, tell young people often, "Your safety and well being are the most important things in the world to me. If anything bothers you, I want to know, and I will do my best to help you."



• Keep your radar on.
  
  The best anti-bullying programs in the world won't work if the adults in charge don't know what their kids are doing and saying.



• Don't let kids throw stones.
  
  Intervene immediately in a powerful, respectful way so that you stop a child being unkind to another with the same determination that you would stop that child from throwing a rock through a window.



• Teach kids skills for taking charge of their safety.
  
  People are more prepared to do in real life what they have practised.

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If every adult were to take these five actions consistently, you would not only stop bullying but families, schools, youth organizations, and neighbourhoods could become communities of caring, respect, and safety for all their members.

Enjoy
Sensai
Richard

Bully Video: Bullying Never Gets Old

Don't Bully Video To Appreciate

This is a pretty old anti-bully video now but I still like it. You can never go past putting yourself in another person's shoes for making you stop and think.

Stand Tall: Respect and Affect
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The problem is of course that most Bullies are not interested in such a social experiment. The biggest problem is that they are often self-centred and self-serving.

Having said that if enough people become aware of the problem then it becomes sufficiently self-serving that sometimes the bullies turn their attention to the campaign either positively or negatively instead of the victim. Others will still find other ways to direct their attention just because social pressure is strong enough to force them to.

Bullies will always be with us but that only means we have to maintain our stand.

Watch!
    Sensai
        Richard

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Bully The Bullies: Endemic Nature Of Bullying

Bullying Is Endemic

The issue of child bullying is endemic and although I would like to think otherwise it seems that sometimes there is no other alternative but to bully the bullies.

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Despite all the effort, I put into teaching my students conflict avoidance (I have written several articles on the subject of Bullying and there will be more), I still from time to time get children or parents coming to me telling me of the stories of being bullied at school.

Most are from new students that the parents have actually brought them to class in order to deal with this issue of child bullying in the first place. However one of my longer-term students came to me the other day at the urging of his parent to tell me of one child that was constantly hurting him.

Sometimes You Have To Bully The Bullies

The problem is that I seem to be teaching restraint to my students a little too well. And we had to talk about whether he had the freedom to act for his own safety.

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One of the most significant factors in this aspect of child safety is, in some cases, very few in my experience, but enough to continue to be a problem, the fact that some children, particularly boys, only seem to understand the language of aggression. Sometimes, as I had to explain to this student, there is no other way except to fight back.

It seems to have worked in this case anyway, in that I was told by my student that now the bully is scared of him. I guess it is always going to be a struggle to strike a balance between harm minimization and aggression. Though I'm not convinced they are mutually exclusive in bullying; not in all cases anyway.


I live in hope that someone, someday will come up with an alternative to having to bully the bullies but in the meantime, it seems that sometimes you have to.

Enjoy
    Sensai
        Richard